I cannot find my penis.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
