I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
