What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
