No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
