U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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