Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
