I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
