You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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