ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
