Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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