Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
