I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
