Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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