ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
