Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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