I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
