You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
