Cold hands, warm shart.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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