I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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