Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
