How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
