Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
