There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Still dying that you shit outside
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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