Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
