how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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