Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
