Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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