dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
