I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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