So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
