After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
