Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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