Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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