Don't you send me to vm
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
