so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
