i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
