I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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