yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I am morally bankrupt
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
