Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
