i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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