i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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