Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
