I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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