OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
