Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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