I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
