so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
