I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
