White coat. Heels.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
