why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
