Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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