So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
