from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
