why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
