I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
